Scotia Extreme Pilgrimage
Praise Be, there is now a Scotia event for everyone,
hallelujah.
Friday, 28th – Sunday 30th January 2011
The Church of the 2 Day Eventists announces its first Pilgrimage dates for 2011
On our behalf, High Priest (formerly known as Evil Minion) has fasted and prostated himself in the face of the Lord Hydrocarbon and suffered privations most horrid. He has been honoured with a vision of arcane and diversionary creatures climbing the highest cliffs, fording the deepest waters and overcoming obstacles most arcane in search of enlightenment.
Lo! Let a festival be held to celebrate Lord Hydrocarbon's bounty.
The pilgrimage to the place chosen by the High (and not quite so high) Priests where the supplicants shall take their wheeled offerings to be sacrificed at the Altar of the Phoenix shall be after the winter solstice but still deep in the darkness of the Northern Hibernation. The final stage of the pilgrimage will be completed by supplicants in pairs with each offering being led by one pilgrim whilst the other may ride but all shall be registered as Clubmen and all wheels are suitably covered lest they be turned away at the last by Andrew the Levy and the Disciples of Scrute.
For the pleasure of Lord Hydrocarbon, we have been gifted the use of the Land of the Warriors near the Settlement of Come and Be Old, some 7.85 leagues from the Dear Green Place, 39 leagues from Seat of Power and 64 leagues from the Land of Heresy. We have been blessed by the Denizens of the Underland who have bucked and twisted this Place that we may draw the Faithful into the Garage of Broken Dreams.
So come one, come all, send thy supplications and offerings by red vanned messenger or by ethereal transmission for is it not written "if they come, it shall be built". The Phoenix shall rise with full plumage. Praise Be!
Mitzvot
Thou shall have no other Event but Scotia
Thou shall fit Axles of any type
Thou shall steer from the rear if that be the will of Lord Hydrocarbon
Remember the Argyle and keep it's memory holy
Thou shall fit tyres without surpassing 3 cubits in diameter
Thou shall be licensed Clubmen or higher
Keep thy tyres covered and other such as the MSA commands
Heads must remain covered as a mark of safety.
Thou shall not covet thy neighbour's winch bitch, his truck, nor his tyres, nor his winch, nor anything that he happens not to be using at that moment or may have inadvertently left behind.
The word of the High Priests is the word of Lord Hydrocarbon and is ineffable.
Supplications and Offerings
If it is your wish to ask for intercession then complete the supplication form and submit it before the pagan festival of All Hallows Eve 2010 with your offering. Whilst offerings 'in nacentis' have been made by some, the Supplication Form must be completed and full offerings made by all Pilgrims. It is the High Priest's command that the cost per offering be £200 (or balance thereof) to be sent to the High Priest's Office.
This is explained in detail on the supplication form, do not bother us with your worries and questions. Trust in the High Priest is Trust in Lord Hydrocarbon.
